Table of Contents
Whomever said your 40’s are great are full of shit.
We’ve all heard and read it – “40 is the new 30”, “40 and Fabulous!”, “Age is Just a Number!”, and the list of magazine headlines that prop you up go on and on. I’m going to call bullshit on them all. I hate my 40’s. Don’t get this confused with thinking that my life isn’t great – because my life is pretty great and yes, I’m happy. I have a super existence, I travel the world, I don’t work at a desk, I make a meager living (that’s not too super – but it works), and I have great friends around the world. All I’m saying is that aging sorta sucks.
Warning…men…you may just want to skip this post if you are sensitive to female hormonal emotional talk. Go read this article of mine instead – Topless Dancing in Paris
Going Back to Puberty
I still remember being in 5th grade and having all the boys leave class for their ‘talk’ and the girls remained in Mrs. Sawyer’s room to watch our ‘Turning into a Woman’ video. I remember distinctly thinking – this doesn’t sound like fun, but yet everyone is telling me this ‘flowering into a woman’ thing is great and I should like it and want it.
Then when I did get my period my first thought was, this process lasts for 40 years??????!!! This sucks. I tried to mask my hatred for the whole process and be like other girls my age who seemed to be all excited about this process, but I thought that it was all just super gross and a pain in the ass.
There was nothing particularly fun about puberty for the people around me either. I was a ball of emotions, I had major self-esteem issues, was self-conscious and thought I was generally worthless. Then when I left for college I sort of snapped out of it. My confidence in my 20’s grew and grew and I settled into the adult I wanted to be throughout my 20’s and 30’s; a confident, smart, witty, sexy, athletic woman. In fact I was so confident that I devoured being single and independent – it was my identity.
The Beast of Perimenopause
Fast forward to present day – my 46th birthday. I woke up this morning in a sweat, immediately kicking off the covers and lying in bed in a puddle of sweaty anxiety thinking about everything I was behind on. My mind was racing but going nowhere. On top of all of this, I was another year older.
Riding the Hormone Roller Coaster
I can’t even organize my own life my thoughts are so scatterbrain at times. My ability to focus has gone to hell. I’m not sure that I was ever great at focus – but now I really suck. I’m sure that our digital lives and addiction to screens also has something to do with my scatterbrain-ness. But age and perimenopause shit doesn’t help.
I’ve also noticed this new trait creep up on me much like the wrinkles on my face (wrinkles are sneaky bastards); I can have an entire emotional nuclear meltdown that I can sort of see happening and can’t pull out of. I feel as if I’m a spectator on the bleachers watching it all happen – an out of body experience.
Thanks to my hormonal 40’s, most days I feel that I have completely digressed to being that 13-year-old teenager again in puberty. Self esteem plummeting up and down like a roller coaster that makes you want to vomit. I feel like the real me has been kidnapped and is being held hostage somewhere.
I can’t sleep like I used to. I have gained weight no matter what I do. I can’t make decisions. I cry at the drop of a hat. My knee hurts and makes a clicking noise when I go up stairs. My eyesight just gets worse and worse. I’m starting to get a double chin. I have tendinitis in my foot and started taking arthritis meds to heal it last week.
And I just don’t feel sexy. I feel like I’m a really interesting person to get to know, I feel smart, worldly…but not sexy. Sexy was my 30’s. Sarcastic and double chins are my 40’s.
I don’t understand the people who say that they have come into their own in their 40’s and they have learned to not care what other people think – they say they are comfortable in their own skin. I apparently never got that magic glass of positive self-loving Kool-Aid. That’s certainly not my 40’s. I’m not comfortable in my own wrinkly skin and I do care what other people think about me most of the time. Truth.
Who knows – maybe that will change. Maybe I’ll have an epiphany one day and turn into that magazine headline that pisses me off. Or maybe I’ll just keep on keeping on. Keep on writing, keep on moving, keep on aging.
Finding the Silver Lining in Your 40’s
The good news is that travel makes you younger – at least that’s what it does for me. This is probably one of the main reasons I keep traveling. I recently told someone that one of the biggest things that travel has taught me is how to be in an uncomfortable situation for a prolonged time. Maybe that’s just what my 40’s are; a decade of an uncomfortable situation.
Where vulnerability comes in strength is born.
My 40’s aren’t fabulous, I’m not excited about turning 46 today – not at all. However that doesn’t mean I won’t be celebrating it as if I’m 28 again. You can’t stop time, so you just go on. You rely on your friends who have your back no matter what. You don’t look in the mirror too closely. You soak up every compliment about how you look good at your age or how people though you were younger than you are.
And you never EVER pick up one of those stupid magazines that tell you to feel fabulous.
Me Through the Years…
How do you feel about your 40’s? Share in the comments!
By Heather M. February 12, 2016 - 9:20 am
Sherry! Happy birthday! What a beautiful, heartfelt post. I hear you on many levels: the scatterbrainedness (is that a word?), the not-so-positive physical changes (for me, the major thing is that I have pretty much NO boobs anymore, I mean nothing…not like I had much to begin with…but a few years of breastfeeding sucked everything right out, I guess), the clicking knee (wtf?), plantar fasciitis that leaves me unable to run much (though I took up rock climbing instead, which I have to say is awesome), two parallel lines between my eyes that are getting more and more deeply etched each day, progressive lenses in my glasses…and omg, the emotional ups and downs (much like my kids’). I do, though, fairly regularly celebrate anything worth celebrating as if I’m still 28. 🙂 Tonight, in fact, I’m going out with a friend and will have a stiff drink for you. Come see us in Montreal sometime (though not today, maybe– it’s something like – 20 out right now). PS: Love the photos of you through the years. I, too, had glasses like that in elementary school. And I have to say, you look freaking fabulous now. 🙂
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:41 am
Thanks Heather! I’m right thee with you on the crazy etched lines on my forehead! I hope you enjoyed your drink the other night…I certainly enjoyed mine! And yes I would like to get to Montreal sometime! Hopefully planning some more time in Canada again this year!
By Tricia Irish February 12, 2016 - 9:30 am
First….Happy Birthday, Sherry! Just remember it’s better than the alternative.
Yeah….everything you say is true. I’m past it all now, thank goodness.
A few tips…..
Memory….write everything down.
Weight…that is a problem, but exercise is the key. Of course, your body is getting older, so you might have to modify your exercise program too, but keep it up even if it hurts, because muscles are the fat burning engines of your metabolism. Lift weights! Not just aerobics.
Sleep….that was my biggest problem during menopause. Every few days, I’d have to take a half an ambien to get a full nights sleep and recover my sanity.
The good news….once you’re through this period….no more periods!!! That’s wonderful! Especially for traveling!
Thanks for your honesty. Getting older does suck in a lot of ways, but look how WISE you are!!
Do have a Happy Birthday. Celebrate your great life!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:40 am
Thanks Tricia! Yes -the sleep thing is difficult…as lack of sleep makes it all exponentially worse! And trust me – I do write everything down…or at least typed in my blog else I’d never remember anything!
By Don February 12, 2016 - 9:51 am
Sherry,
As I contemplate walking the Camino Frances this August, somehow I’m strangely inspired by your post. I turned 70 (not 46) two weeks ago, and I have to make some hard decisions about preparation . I live a very comfortable, not totally sedentary life style, but in the back of my mind, I know that I want to accomplish the Camino walk. I tell people I’ll never get up the courage to parachute out of an airplane, so I want to do the horizontal 800 kilometre “jump” in Spain.
Thanks for helping me along.
Don
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:38 am
You can do it Don!!!! I love thinking of it as a horizontal jump…a great analogy. You’ll do it – just go slow – there’s no rush at all. And once you are halfway done, you’ll start panicking becuase you won’t want it to end! Good luck and keep me updated!
By Lynn Nill February 12, 2016 - 9:54 am
40’s, yeah, not so great. The good news? 50’s and 60’s? Much better! I have a few suggestions for you, things you might know about but haven’t really processed yet.
First, start running again on a regular basis, but not the way you used to. Run slowly, and only run 3-4 days a week. Make 2-3 of the runs 30 min, one run longer.
Second, research bio identical hormones. Look up Sabre Sciences in California. I’ve taken them for years now (I still get hot flashes, but I was 58 before I entered menopause)!
Third, get your thyroid tested. Sometimes thyroid problems mask as other things.
Fourth try try a mindfulness meditation app. I’ve been using Headdpace for almost 6 months. I have a voucher if you’re Interested.
None of these things are a magic cure, but just being proactive helps.
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:36 am
Lynn – thanks for all of your advice! I love the running schedule. When I’m in places for longer times I normally do run 3 times a week at about 3 miles each run…and I’m getting slower and slower. It’s more of a run/walk. It’s been hard to accept as I used to be fast – but I just have to learn to accept it. I was just getting back into running (it’s so hard to keep up on the road) and then injured my foot – so have been doing nothing now for a month in the hopes to get it healed. I”ll take a look at the hormone stuff…totally open to it. I’ve had my thyroid tested in the last 4 years or so and everything was fine…but a good reminder. AND – I did just start ‘testing’ out the Headspace app…yet I forget to do it all the time! Sounds like I’m sort of on th right track I guess! Hope you and Lee are doing well and hope to see you both again soon!
By Sue Gorecki February 12, 2016 - 10:15 am
Oh Sherry! Happy Birthday to you! Please look for the comedy in life, the b s you have to go thru as “a phase”, & just know you are not the only one!! Keep a stiff upper lip about everything—all it will do is drag you down if you dwell on it! Focus (if you can!!) on all your successes in life, what goals you have achieved, what makes you happy and then allow a 5 minute pity party everyday–then be done with it!
This is life no matter if we like it or not. Yesterday I read about how sad you were about your relationship that has ended & now the drama about your birthday! There’s a connection of emotions going on…..”Get over it” as the Eagles say because you will look back at this soon, as a drama alert! What has gotten me thru are the words my sweet Mother said to me years ago. I came home from school one day to the same question I heard everyday, “how was your day?” This day was quite different because a few of my friends had called out because of cramps & that’s what my response was, to my Mom. I didn’t think much of it but her response surprised me—she called my friends a bunch of sissy’s. Coming from MY Mom, that was hilarious! So that is how I’ve looked at the inevitable in life, just something we have to go through & I’ll outwardly “control” how I’m going to endure it! I don’t like people to see my vulnerable side so I hide it with wit & sarcasm & everybody laughs which in turn lifts my spirits.
So if I can share any advice with a successful, independent, carefree, intelligent, insightful woman it’s savor the moments because you’ll never know how long you have to be here in them! I also “forgot” to get married—never met any man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but that’s OK. I see a lot of unhappy women who thought they did, who complain about their situation and are stuck! You are not! So go out there & celebrate like your 29 again & embrace all the qualities of life. My favorite line in a song has been, “you bleed to know your alive!”, kind of sad but true! But I love my life & I can honestly say that a lot of people can’t say the same thing!
By the way, I recently consulted with a nutritionist who is intuitive, intelligent & brutally honest with me. I felt the same as you physically BUT after taking her advice, I am a different woman! I have lost weight easily, do not feel deprived, feel the best I ever have (I’m 61), & love her for all the truths she has shared with me that my own doctors never did!! You let me know if you want her name & phone number–we consult via cell phone!!—she is my life saver & I can guarantee, she can change you whole attitude on life!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:30 am
Thanks for sharing you thoughts and advice Sue! What song is that from that you quoted…I know it, and I know I have it in my itunes – but can’t place it!
Loved your comment about ‘forgetting’ to get married – and being the envy of many of your friends…I totally get that too. And there are very, very few relationships that I see that look happy. Which makes me question why I’d even want one. But there is something beautiful about feeling loved and wanted…and that’s the drug. Thanks again and send me your nutrionist’s info!
By Diane Ott February 12, 2016 - 10:21 am
Hi Sherry,
Remember, this too shall pass. I remember wondering where my courage went when I was in my forties. I didn’t associate it then to perimenopause, but looking back, that probably explains things pretty well. I was never afraid of anything until I was in my forties when I was afraid of everything! Then one day, I was back. In my fifties, my confidence returned and I still had a lot of energy so I was able to do what I wanted/needed to do. Now that I’m in my sixties, I keep trying to figure out how to get my energy back,but I’m not afraid. The 70s ought to terrific!
Thanks for your posts and photos.
Dee
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:26 am
Thanks for your input Dee! It’s a weird out of body experience some days trying to figure out where the old you has gone! Keep going!!
By Rob February 12, 2016 - 10:26 am
Well, at least you have the benefit of the female hormonal shit to blame for some of that. I read through it and though – “she’s describing my life”.
I hated, absolutely hated, turning 30. I felt like my life was over. I was passionately attached to being in my 20s and with all that went with that. But once I got over that 30th birthday (round about my 31st birthday) I stopped caring about the number. Yeah – much about being older sucks, but it’s interesting how little of a shit I give about things that are traumatizing to 20-somethings (and would have traumatized me). It’s amazing how OK you can become about life when you stop giving a shit. Politics – meh. All the social upheaval – meh. I like to be an observer. I have no kids and won’t at this stage in my life. So all that’s left is to have fun and live out my years as an observer and uncle to my brother’s kids/grandkids/etc.
And, of course, follow through on my threat to get my lazy ass back into the gym and re-discover the joys of a daily “I think I’m gonna puke” workout. 🙂
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:25 am
Thanks for your thoughts Rob. True that some of what I”m experiencing is truly hormonal and some is just aging. And the aging stuff is something we can all relate to! Keep having fun and good luck getting to the gym. I’m right there with you!
By Sue February 12, 2016 - 10:31 am
Happy Birthday Sherry! It DOES get better so hang on!! Everybody’s suggesting exercise but in addition to that is a good nutritionist! I found my life-saver & if you want her name & number I will gladly share that with you. She has taught me so much about lifestyles & diets(even though I hate that 4 letter word), and has helped me like no doctor ever has. All the things you complain about, she attributes to bad eating habits & she has brought me out of the dark about that. I feel fabulous at 61, and have NEVER felt this good, even though I thought I did! So don’t suffer with what life has dealt you & do something about it! I wish I would have found Lisa years ago. She really is a miracle worker & I’m not one to be easily impressed!
Get out there & enjoy yourself today & celebrate being 46–it only comes around once!!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:23 am
Thanks Sue! Does your nutritionist work with clients digitally? 🙂 If so – send me her website or info – I’d be happy to consider and take a look!
By Kay Dougherty February 12, 2016 - 11:02 am
Your selection of glasses has improved considerably over the years, so there’s that. The weight gain thing is a bitch that has come to live with (or on you) and it’s been the worst part of aging for me. You’re an amazingly cool person living a very interesting life on your terms – even if you have to live it with a double chin!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:22 am
Oh yes – the glasses selection is hilarious. I can’t wait until those weird ones that have the curve in the earpiece come back ‘in’…I”m sure it will be any day now!
By Darlene Foster February 12, 2016 - 11:21 am
My very best decade was 50 – 60! Everything fell into place then and just got better. Deal with the 40s they will be over soon enough. Happy Birthday!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:21 am
True – this too shall pass…right?!
By Lori Rebels February 12, 2016 - 12:11 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
This year I am turning 45 this summer and while I notice some changes, I have to say I am probably more confident in my 40’s and care less about what people think. I am who I am, love it or leave it.
I just want to travel and experience different things and I am able to do that more now in my 40’s then I could when I was younger.
I won’t lie though I do have some aches and pains, but I get up each morning, so I am thankful.
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:20 am
Thanks Lori! Keep living life large and confidently!
By Wynne February 12, 2016 - 12:32 pm
Seems my 40s were somewhat uneventful until the end (about 48). Then I “decided” to torpedo my life, but after that crap year (2012), out of that came the life I discovered as a more-than-occasional traveler, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world! And now, my (very) early 50s, I LOVE my life (a new man doesn’t hurt!) and I’m so excited for the next few years. Yeah, some of the physical stuff sucks (I get the clicking, but hip-related) and I NEED to get in better condition, but otherwise, I can’t complain! So here’s to looking ahead and being glad it’s not the alternative, because that would suck – for everyone involved. 😉
By Tamara February 12, 2016 - 4:06 pm
Happy Birthday indeed! I turn 46 this week, so I’m right there with you and fully understand the frustrations you mention: the weight gain, the declining eyesight, the aches and pains. My frustration is often exacerbated by the fact that I don’t think I’ve acknowledged my age. I think I should be able to keep up with my husband (9 years younger) when we go jogging. I refuse to hold the ingredients list further away so I can see it clearly, thinking if I keep practicing reading the blurry words my eyes will get stronger again. I work in the events/marketing world, surrounded by promo models and young, energetic marketing types who comment on how “well-preserved” I look…for my age. I’m shocked, because I don’t realize yet that I am not in my 20s, or even my 30s. It’s a struggle, but I’m trying to accept that it’s all okay. While I’m still not sure what I should be doing, what my goals are, what I need, I want a new mission. I’m going to try to cut myself some slack. That certainly doesn’t mean “let myself go,” but I want to find better ways to relax. You’re right that travel keeps us young. It also helps me clear my head and my heart. That’s it! This ramble is over. What I need is more travel.
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:19 am
Thanks for sharing Tamara! Yes – cutting yourself slack is the key. Strangely I can do that when I’m traveling normally – but when I’m back in the US and especially NY – I feel pressure. Probably becuase it’s my own culture and I devoured that culture in NYC in my 30’s – I owned it. But now….well now it’s different!
Totally understand the younger husband thing. The guy that I was dating (that just ended) was 10 years younger than me – and I think I realize now that it was rather detrimental to me. It wasn’t his fault – it’s just that the age difference was a lot for me to deal with.
By donna February 12, 2016 - 5:51 pm
Happy Birthday….anyway!! GAWD! Your journey sounds a lot like mine, lol. You’ve voiced what a lot of women feel and think for sure I think. Travel for me is a lot like what you said, it’s necessary, for me as much as breathing sometimes I think. I wish I had some tips or advice about getting past premenopause/menopause…my situation required surgery and the end result was no menopause. The other lovely attributes however did follow…weight gain, double chin, lack of wanting to do anything some days…But! Like you said, it will make you stronger, and at some point you will come into the part where things that bothered you or hit at your self-esteem, they just don’t bother you anymore, or as much anyway 🙂 Keep your positive outlook as much as you can – it will get better! xoxo
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:14 am
Thanks for the encouragement – always needed!
By Rose February 13, 2016 - 6:44 am
You are an amazing writer about life in general who shares my passion of travel (and aging!) I love your blog and I am so very grateful I accidentally stumbled across it whilst google searching info on going on an expedition cruise to the Antarctic. You cover so many subjects that pique my interest and keep me coming back, time and again! Thanks for being out there Sherry!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:11 am
Thanks Rose! So glad you found my site and that it’s been useful/entertaining! More importantly – did you go on that expedition cruise?!!! Antarctica is still one of my most memorable and impactful trips I’ve done in 9 years!
By Rose February 16, 2016 - 11:10 am
No I haven’t Sherry, noone wants to spend the money involved (from Australia)! No sense of adventure I say! It will happen though! 🙂
By Nathalie February 13, 2016 - 1:35 pm
I feel your pain and it doesn’t get any better. At 49, it’s a miracle I don’t forget to put my pants on in the morning. I’m like a teenager with ADHD, seriously! You’re not alone.
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:10 am
Just a reminder to put your pants on today! 🙂
By Nathalie February 14, 2016 - 2:02 pm
Cheers!
By Gillian February 13, 2016 - 2:05 pm
Happy Birthday, Sherry! And thank you for describing EXACTLY what I’ve been going through for the past six years (I turned fifty in November). The weight gain, bad eye sight, not feeling sexy, being scatter brained, emotional, not sleeping……but, I think things are getting better again. I still need stronger glasses and can’t seem to shed those ten pounds, but I feel better all around. Hoping the 50’s are an easier decade. Hang in there!!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 10:10 am
Thanks – and congrats for finding your way through…sounds like there’s hope!
By Lynn O'Rourke Hayes February 13, 2016 - 5:33 pm
Hi there — When I was about your age (which now seems like a really long time ago!) a woman of about my current age, gave me some really wise advice.
She reminded me that chins double, waistlines expand, hair greys and eyelids sag. That’s just how it is.
The secret to dealing with an aging body, she whispered? Focus on getting really, really interesting. It is far more attractive than fake body parts and expensive clothes.
So, Sherry, lucky you!
You are already there! Few live a more interesting life or have better stories to tell!
Happy birthday!
By Sherry February 14, 2016 - 9:58 am
I love this! And it’s so true. Thanks for the reminder!
By Douglas February 14, 2016 - 10:47 am
Your concerns are familiar to many. We live a life of impermanence. It is the condition of the heart and not that sagging part that matters. Faith in my Lord Jesus has carried me into my 60th year. We’ve all heard that we are to count our blessings. When we do, it gives us strength to carry through. We have to remind ourselves that we have more latitude than limitations. Ultimately, the realization is in that timely phrase, “This world is not my home. I’m just a-passin’ through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.” It’s when we become fixed on the past and the present, we can lose hope. Take each day as a gift and use it wisely.
You are such a talented person! Please know that by sharing your life experiences, you are an inspiration and encouragement to many!
By Sarah February 15, 2016 - 10:59 am
Thank you so much Sherry! This is my life (just turned 45). Ugh! It helps to know I’m not alone in my mid-40s floundering. And Happy Birthday!
By Claudia February 15, 2016 - 12:07 pm
I turned 40 last July. Every time I see photo of me I notice how the wrinkles around my cheeks are deepening and I look like my face is overall drooping. Talk about confidence. I think I need to go get those wrinkles filled, actually – who knows if it will help. But then at least I came to terms with so many other issues lately that I do feel much better now than when I was 20 and even 30!
By Leigh | Campfires & Concierges February 16, 2016 - 7:55 pm
Happy Birthday!
I’m only a few months into 40, but mentally, I don’t feel it! (Other than short attention span, which I agree, MUST be related to the digital age) Being 40, single, childless, living the life I want to live…I see my classmates/friends with their families, big houses and it’s so foreign to me. Like I would feel like I’m playing house if I had their life. It’s a very strange thing, like maybe I haven’t grown up yet….but I have the bills to prove I’m a grownup! Whatever the age, every day is a gift so it’s good to make the most of it, which you certainly seem to be!
By Michele February 16, 2016 - 8:15 pm
Happy birthday Sherry,
I admire your honesty and I also admire you and the life you lead and the risks you take. At age 52 I’m also struggling with the shock of “how did I get to be this age” and the health changes that have started scare me. A friend who is in her 60s recently helped me through a hard time and her motto was “it won’t always be this way.” Things change. Perhaps you get perspectives on aging from the different places you travel. It doesn’t help that the US culture has so much negativity about aging, especially for women. Several women have recommended Mama Gena’s school of womanly arts. Hang in there and keep doing and reflecting.
By Renee Blodgett February 19, 2016 - 6:55 pm
Spot on Michele 🙂
By Izy berry February 18, 2016 - 12:33 am
My dad said that the woman in the 40s they are in the best time of her life
By Renee Blodgett February 19, 2016 - 6:54 pm
Hilarious and so authentically written. Call a spade a spade – I get you girlfriend and the emotional rollercoaster ride all women go through in their forties. Confident and owning your own “everything” is great, but the wrinkles and the hormonal shifts definitely suck. And yeah, part of traveling as much as we have is that wrinkles tend to be worse. I had a dermatologist say to me once, “ahh, so you’ve spent time near the equator,” as he looked at the aging spots on my skin. Embrace it though girl as we have no other choice. And as for feeling sexy, this is an attitude, not what you physically see in a mirror. Trust me. You’re fabulous and beautiful. Enuf said!
By Dianne Smith August 25, 2016 - 3:31 pm
Happy Belated Birthday, Sherry! Funny: I remember feeling fabulous in my forties, but that was a long time ago. I felt focused and “called” and excited about having time to work on different meaningful things (HIV/AIDS community education), after having dutifully spent the previous years focusing on equally meaningful things — like raising my three children. I never had time to notice menopause until it was all over, when my priest-psychologist husband dumped me at (my) age 50 for another woman. That made me question my whole existence, so the next ten years were a washout, just trying to regain the joy and confidence I’d discovered at 40. Fortunately, I was invited to work in rural Kenya as a nurse in my sixties, which gave me important lessons in perspective, gratitude and humility. It also kept me active and therefore relatively slender. There were no mirrors in our little mission cottage. Now 70, I can’t believe the wrinkles I see and the weight I’ve gained! But I wouldn’t have given up the lessons I’ve learned — and the people I’ve learned them from — in the past 30 years for anything. That includes you! Keep on keeping on; you’re an inspiration for all of us at every age!
By married dude September 16, 2016 - 11:41 pm
Dude here in the 40s. Feel the same way. I think you are beautiful and sexy. grrrrr….
But that’s my true age escaping the prison of numbers.
Love your candid sincerity.
By Dee November 25, 2016 - 11:45 am
I’m 47 and my forties have been horrible; career, menopause, empty nest, taking care of my ill parents, my health, single, and then dealing with my daughters growing pains. I’ve had it all the way around. I look forward to 50!
By Sherry November 25, 2016 - 3:56 pm
I hear ya sister! We’ll get through it. I do actually blame a lot of it on this ridiculous hormonal changes that some with menopause. But who knows. Hang in there…breath, meditate, and try to surround yourself with friends who will listen. They have been invaluable to me!
By Yvonne November 28, 2016 - 4:44 am
Take heart, you spring chickens! I just turned 50, and there is hope. I thought 50 was the beginning of the end, but turns out it’s not. In your 40’s, you still have pressure (from outside and inside) to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have natural-looking hair the same color it was when you were 20.
Now thoughts come to me such as, “I look pretty good for a 50-year-old,” “My mom was 60 pounds overweight at this age,” “I can wear whatever I want now,” and “I don’t have time to color my hair!”
I may not do triathlons anymore, but I did my first Hot Yoga class, and I rocked it.
Hang in there, ladies–50 is a lot better than 40.
By Sherry November 28, 2016 - 7:52 pm
Thanks Yvonne for your input! I’m sure I”ll go through a whole new phase of changes when I hit 50…hopefully I”ll be able to deal with them better!
By Simon Palmer November 28, 2016 - 7:31 pm
Hi sherry
Yep I am totally with you on this, I turned 40 last year and I can tell u been a man it totally sucks too, the ageing process has definitely increased ( having two beautiful girls in the last three years has escalated this from lack of sleep?), bigger lines under my eyes, the weight gain, increased hair everywhere except on your head ( they really fckd us over with that one ask any man) and generally feeling crappy about the slow loss of your looks, I know that sounds vain but fuck looking good is a huge part of also feeling good!! The creaks and pains that come from any form of
hard excercise is frightening and a shock to the system how quickly that started having played sport for years and been relatively fit!! I am very lucky though to have two beautiful daughters and a great wife and I live for them
to hopefully make and give them great memories but I do feel if I’m really honest the best fun filled days of my own life are behind me and no one really tells u that it just creeps up on you and slowlly erodes your physical prowess, it’s a shit age and not going to get much better I’ve accepted that however there are positives and I don’t put up with much bullshit from people anymore, I shoot from the hip and generally say what I think, I’ve lost friends along the way that were just good time drinking buddies but had no more substance to them so I’ve a smaller
Group of real friends and that works really well now!! Anyway sorry lads and lassies 40 is shit, your body does slow down, u do age like fuck, u get weird injuries u never had, and young people now see u as middle aged! However I’ve slowly started to accept this and also I’ve begun to be less selfish and give my time to others and become stronger mentally so whilst I may not become Nelson Mandella i might actually become a better person in the long run?
By Sherry November 28, 2016 - 7:53 pm
I feel ya Simon…interesting though to get the male’s perspective too. I guess we are all in this together. Plus I always though my feelings about 40 were a bit amplified becuase I’m single…but you make me think otherwise now. Looks like you have a good healthy attitude about it – after all, we aren’t going to turn back time…at least not yet.
By Doris February 9, 2017 - 8:42 am
Please don’t knock the 40’s–when you reach the age of 75 you’ll look back on it fondly. As for the menopause—better times ahead. No worries about the damn curse, no abdominal cramping,and now (for me), no more headaches. Embrace where you are and continue to make the most of it.
By Sherry February 11, 2017 - 3:29 pm
Ha! thanks for the advice!
By Dana H Freeman February 11, 2017 - 7:42 pm
You are my hero for telling it like it is! I am entering the last year of my 40s and have never felt better. It is because I have accepted this is where I am in life. Beat breast cancer, gained a little weight, suffered through the hot/cold and will never fit into those size 4 jeans I still keep in my closet. Onward and upward. I believe the best is still yet to come. Maybe in my 50s?
By Sherry February 14, 2017 - 2:27 am
Congrats on making it through! It can be quite a battle, but I love your attitude!
By Robyn August 9, 2017 - 10:03 am
Hi Sherry
Just read your page, great words!! I am now 49, and yea I reckon our 40s kinda suck big time too!! That ole weight gain, menopause, double chin, wrinkly neck, joint problems/degeneration, eyesight failing, thing. I never really knew what the male sex thought about women over 40 until I hit that era myself, and that really blows!!
Like you I believe in the regeneration one experiences whilst travelling, and so wishing I could do so much more of it right now!! Oh to be flying to England, Ireland, Scotland, Egypt, Japan, America, Africa, Germany etc!! Instead my reality is that my trash goes out more than I do lol.
By Helena June 1, 2018 - 8:15 pm
I’m 35 this year & already feel really old. Having a 14 yr old daughter doesn’t help matters, plus a hubby near 10 yrs older than me constantly moaning, I miss my 20s, when the girl was a baby & I was still a young mum. I hate the term “middle aged” so much. I wish young could apply up to 50, older after 50, and old after 80, instead of these daft terminologies like “middle aged”… Grrrr!
By Anon November 29, 2018 - 1:48 am
For me, teens were horrible, 20s and 30s were a bit better, but almost since the moment I hit 40, my life went to shyt. I used to be full of ideas and creative. Now 44, I have done almost nothing meaningful for the last 4 years and had constant chaos with jobs, places of living, family, health, difficult people…the list goes on. This year and last, I have wound up with catatonic depression. It really is like the horrible teen years all over again.
Don’t get me started on the menopause. Monster fibroids, 4 periods in 2 months, not to mention all the IBS symptoms. Currently I am alcoholic, where I never used to be. I’ve tried all the therapies, and nothing works.
I want to be positive, and have tons of ideas and skills, but can’t seem to get off the ground, and no-one is interested in what I have to offer. This despite the fact I’ve rerouted onto a more tried and tested route. In fact it’s worse than when I was doing my creative stuff, because at least I was expressing myself.
By Sherry November 29, 2018 - 6:16 pm
I understand. I am sorry to hear that your 40s have been so horrible. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. At this point I’m just waiting for my 50’s to see if things improve!
By Karla August 24, 2019 - 6:21 am
You took the words straight out of my mouth with this article, 25-40 was great for me and then it all went downhill overnight. As you say it is like puberty in rewind and no one seems to understand what you are going through. I am 45 and know several people of the same age and they are all going through crap of one kind or another (men and women, although women also have the menopause crap and doctors are useless).
By Kristen August 25, 2019 - 10:15 pm
I’m a little late to this post, but I was up late crying about my sad state and I came across it. I’m 40, and started with hot flashes about two years ago. From there, it has not been fun. The emotional roller coaster is the worst. The feeling like it’s not even happening to you, but someone who has taken over your mind and body is so exhausting and just kind of terrifying…so I was so glad to hear you felt the same. An out of body experience, perfectly put. Thanks for the article!
By Emily August 29, 2019 - 6:11 pm
I COMPLETELY agree with all you’re saying, Sherry – spot-on. I googled ‘I hate 40’ (I turned the damn age last week) and found this. Like you said, I can’t f’in stand all those stupid comments about ‘fab 40’ and ‘life begins at 40’, and ‘age is only a number’, etc. It bloody isn’t! It’s a reminder that despite the fact that mentally I still feel young, my body is going through perimenopause – already!!! – and I’m feeling emotional, weepy, volatile, congested, headachy, sweaty, angry, knee pain, sciatica, forget about any more kids, in short: I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. And I have so much going for me – lovely supportive family, job I enjoy, etc., but it’s still so tough. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my occasional despair! Thank you.
By Sherry September 2, 2019 - 1:18 am
I can’t say goodbye to the 40’s fast enough!
By Hope September 11, 2020 - 4:15 pm
Too fuckin’ true
By Hope September 11, 2020 - 4:28 pm
I so so agree. 40’s are rubbish.
By Trevor July 11, 2024 - 10:04 am
Actually if you could delete my comment, that would be great. I think I spilled too many thoughts for the internet. lol
By Sherry July 11, 2024 - 2:27 pm
No problem – I just didn’t approve it. However – it’s great to hear from a guy that is also struggling with middle age. Just good to get a different perspective!