Goodbyes are never fun for me...
Crying is not a weakness, nor does it mean I’m unhappy. At least that’s what I try to tell myself every time I find the tears welling up and streaming down my face as I say goodbye to someone.
I have no explanation for how terrible I am at goodbyes. It makes no sense to me at all. My life is all about goodbyes and constant change. I’m an adventurous, independent, solo traveler. Not just a solo traveler – but a solo person. I’ve been single and living on my own far away from family for my whole adult life. I’m not lying when I say I love being on my own, having an independent life and doing what I want to do whenever I want. I get stressed out when I have to be with others for too long and I don’t get my alone time. Yet the act of saying goodbye to anyone who I’ve been surrounded by for a while makes my throat tighten, my heart ache, my lips purse, and my eyes sting with tears.
How can I drive a car to Mongolia, live solo in Vietnam, circle the globe multiple times; yet I can’t say goodbye to my niece at the airport without crying. She’s my niece…not my child…my niece. But I’ve grown attached to her for the last 11 days. I felt responsible for her. She was a fabulous, mature travel companion who made me laugh and I was oozing pride that she was so bright, funny, and strong. But that doesn’t explain tears and the deep rooted sorrow I feel.
Evie and I in Hoboken waiting in line at Carlos Bakery
Even though the tears seem to happen most often with family (even if they are driving me crazy and I am ready to leave), they also happen with friends, lovers, and new acquaintances. I even remember a distinct time this last year being excited for someone to leave and be on my own again, yet when they walked out the door I collapsed in tears.
Why do I suck at goodbye? Why does being alone again make me so deeply sad and emotional; even though I long for that solo life most days?
It must be something to do with ending chapters in my life. Every time I travel with someone or stay with someone I consider it another chapter in my life. A definitive moment that I will recall one day in my old age; “remember that time when Evie came to New York City when she was 15 years old… “. Even though I live in a constant state of flex and uncertainty, I must be terrified to start the next chapter. Is the next chapter going to be the last?
Maybe it’s frustration. I know just how hard it is to be on my own; it’s hard work to do everything for yourself, no one to lean on or draw good vibes from. You have to find your own happiness. So maybe I’m simply sad about being back on my own and having to adjust to doing everything on my own again.
Maybe I’m just feeling the sting of living in the present. I’m simply in the moment, deeply feeling the emotions of the moment. Leaving and change are emotional no matter who you are.
Maybe I miss the security of having someone around me.
Maybe I feel vulnerable and exposed being on my own again.
Maybe deep down I’m lonely and I’m dying to find someone I can spend my life and experiences with.
Whatever the reason, it always makes me reflect and maybe that’s simply what my heart and mind is looking for. After about an hour of sorrow, I push it back, wipe my eyes, quiet my mind, and push it to the back again until the next goodbye.
How do you deal with good-byes? Please share in the comments.
Hey I am digg’in the new depth to your writing
Well done!
Saw her the following year in Ireland.
HATE HATE HATE good byes so I don’t do them! I simply say “See ya” because I have learned that the world is a very small place… and chances are I will see ya soon!! My favorite “see ya” is when I could not say it in person to a dear friend that was moving – I wrote it in chalk on our street so she and her family saw/drove over it as they left the neighborhood for the last time.
Btw
Life is good!!
Happy New Year!
Sherry, this post is so pure in emotion and not only reminds us about goodbyes in the travel world, but in life. I got teary eyed reading your pos. I think you’re a superb example of a strong traveler who im sure many look up to, and you serve as a great role model for your niece- some good happy thoughts next time you feel blue
I agree with your sentiments though. I start crying the week of a departure. I don’t even want to fathom how difficult saying goodbye to my parents will be once I ship out to holland later this year.
Beautiful and touching post
We are very similar. I have learned to not be ashamed to show my emotions. If I’m sad or upset about saying goodbye, I let it out.
Great post, it describes what a lot of us feel but cannot put into words. I know exactly how it feels to live that constant dance from the Porcupine Theory: can’t be around one another for too long without feeling each other’s quills but staying away makes you feel cold and lonely. Gotta find that perfect spot in the middle.
Not wanting to say good bye means that you care and that is always a good thing!
Everyone says that I’ll become used to people leaving my life as a backpacker in hostels – but I can’t help it. When we meet friends, spend a glorious, life changing week with them, YEAH I’m going to be sad. Yes, there are going to be tears with goodbyes. Is that so wrong?
I am getting much better at goodbyes these days, but I can certainly relate. I’m excited to be getting back on the road in a week but not looking forward to saying goodbye to my 86 year old father.
It’s funny, I never cry at goodbyes. I feel very attached to the people in my life, but then when it’s time to say goodbye I feel sort of … numb. Later I’ll miss the people I’ve had to say goodbye to and maybe even cry, but never in the moment. I wish I could, honestly. It seems like it would show that you were more connected to your feelings.
Pretty much exactly how you described. Both our nephews are in the province of Newfoundland, Canada (which is where we are from) and EVERY time we say goodbye the tears, the lip quiver, the gasp for air happens.
Must be the lack of balance or consistency, But either way, they both have their ups and downs. Life will never be perfect. Plus we have all these emotions for a reason. Emotional is a part of who we are. Guess we might as well accept it as normal.
I cried for the first time in years when I said goodbye to my mom before leaving on my RTW. I blame it on my mom since she started crying as soon as she hugged me and didn’t want to let go.. I guess I am human after all.
I was a mess before I took off on my career break travels – then I ended up missing no one! I think I def. live in the moment…which is probably a good thing. CONGRATS on taking off – I wondered when you were leaving! I’m so excited for you. Please keep us updated on Meet Plan Go and let us know how it’s going – we love promoting people’s career breaks!
This reminds me of that scene in the movie, Singles where Matt Dillion is talking about how he used to live by the airport. He hated it, b/c it was too loud and no one wanted to come to his bbqs. But when he moved, he couldn’t sleep, b/c he got used to the noise.
I hate goodbyes. I have to do it every three months with my boyfriend. We just stay kissing for as long as we can and mention the next time we will see eachother.
I’m really terrible at good-byes. I wasn’t always bad at them though. When I was a kid we used to visit my mom’s grandparents (who raised her) down in Mexico every Christmas and when they cried each year we left, I felt sad – but not horribly so, since I figured we’d see them the next Christmas. Maybe I just had no concept of time? Unfortunately I now grasp what days/weeks/months of not seeing someone means and I cry. When my husband and I were dating some years ago, I lived in Boston and he was living in Norway (where he’s from). We did the long-distance relationship thing for a year, and I used to cry even before he left. I figure in a few more decades I’ll switch back to being nonchalant about adieus – maybe.
Thanks for sharing Anis! I must admit – if I allow myself to think about goodbyes – I will also cry before the actual goodbye. The good news for you now is that you are together now forever!
It’s probably something to do with not know when (or if) you’ll see these people again.
I’m not usually a very sappy or emotional person, either, but when I said “goodbye” to a friend of mine who was moving to South America 2 years ago, it was tough. We both acknowledged that it could very well be the last time we were ever going to see each other. Ever. And that sucked. I kept it together until I got in the car to drive home, and then I cried for about an hour straight.
But it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Emotion is emotion, and we should never be afraid to show it!
You are right – I think it’s just a matter of coming to grips with the fact that I am very emotional!
Really, thoughtful post. I hate goodbyes too. When I was younger, I hated them so much that when visiting friends I’d get up way early in the morning and just be gone rather than have to face them in “goodbye mode”. I’ve gotten a bit better about it, with a lot more practice, and I can and do express myself.
Cool that you got to do that trip with your niece, good for you and good for her too!
thank you for putting what so many of us feel into words. I experience the same feelings despite living independently for the past 18 years. Your article was spot on, thanks!
WOW such a well written post. Me and my gf are leaving in about 45 days for a 2 yr rtw adventure. Im fortunate to be so close with my grandparents and speak to them weekly, but my biggest fear is losing them (or other loved ones) while Im away. They’ve been a rock in my life since birth. Their hospital visits are becoming more frequent and I can see them weakening with their age. So Im a bit confused/scared…hopefully I can teach them how to use skype
Perhaps we are living mirror lives
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I LOVE my solo life. I crave for it. I feel crazy when I’m with other people and cant wait for them to leave me alone. When I’m with other people I feel like I have no time to think. To stop. To read. To write. Then when they leave, I’m not sure I really wanted them to go!
I wander the world, and have ecstatically happy moments. I feel free as a bird, have amazing adventures that pop up out of nowhere and have time to meet and talk to all the world’s people. I have beautiful friends all around who welcome me with open arms, accepting my wild style & inability to plan.
And then there’s the other side of me that loves romance, contact, intimacy, friendship…But I am the perfect self-sabotager whenever anything special comes too close so it’s generally just a fleeting moment, month or year before I crush it!
I’ve just said goodbye to someone today. I’m waiting for the solo endorphins to kick in. I hope they will!
All the best with your life adventures. Maybe we’ll cross paths somewhere one day
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