40 and Happy...
This is me…Now…This update is way over due. I went back and read my original About posts:
This was me THEN
This was me in the MIDDLE
I realized that my life had changed immensely since the MIDDLE and I desperately needed to write about it!
Since the MIDDLE, I have transformed my life beyond my wildest expectations. I have become one with that delicious ambiguity I talked about in the THEN post. I have become what I never even imaged I could become.
First of all, I became an expat. As if traveling around the world alone wasn’t hard enough, I decided to challenge myself and try living abroad. The one thing that has stayed constant throughout all of these posts is my desire to continue to scare the shit out of myself with personal challenges.
Vietnam did end up scaring the shit out of me; not because I was scared for my physical safety, but because I was scared for my sanity. For the first time in my life I was overcome with loneliness. I was on my own halfway around the world. My friends and family had long since stopped following my crazy adventures as the novelty wore off, and I was attempting to live in a truly foreign land.
It was then where I stopped living this idyllic life of around the world traveler having fun and was confronted with what I was really going to do with my life. For the first time I was confronted with what I had actually given up; my career, my MBA, my corporate identity. Instead I was teaching ESL among a bunch of 20-something teachers. I was confused.
Then somehow Vietnam started flowing through my veins. I stopped sweating profusely, I started driving my own motorbike, I stopped worrying about what I had given up, I learned to be truly alone, and I started to throw myself into things I loved…inspiring people through writing and photography. I became one with ambiguity never knowing where I would sleep the next month, what I would be doing, and what direction I may turn next.
It just happened….I moved from world traveler to world nomad.
The next journeys I took to Mongolia and Nepal proved to me that I had REALLY changed. Sometimes I can’t even believe it myself – but my ability to deal with uncertainty in my life and day to day tasks has completely evolved.
Now I find myself getting up every morning without an alarm, drinking my coffee in front of my laptop, chatting with my twitter and facebook virtual friends, and working for hours upon hours building a business of my very own. A business that I love; helping others understand the benefits of career breaks and a slower lifestyle. I’ve never been happier.
Sure, I still don’t have a boyfriend or any children – but I was never looking for those things to make me happy.
I know that Briefcase to Backpack may never materialize as I see it in my dreams, and maybe Meet, Plan, Go! will flop. But at least I’m trying. If they don’t turn out how I believe they can, then no problem. I’ll take this massive skill set I’ve been honing and figure out something else…somewhere in the world.
Where am I now – who knows….I move around from place to place house sitting, or staying with very, very kind friends and family. How am I surviving…I spend very little; I don’t need much more than a bed and internet connection.
It’s no longer about taking a little break from my life (which I preach to other people!), it’s a complete change in lifestyle and how I look at time, connections, places, and each day. Some may think that it’s selfish…but who the hell cares…why is it selfish to do what you want…what you really want?
Plus – over the last 4 years of this lifestyle metamorphosis, I’ve become closer than ever to my immediate family. I talk to my parents, my brother, sister, and nieces more than I ever did. I stay with them and no longer breeze through on my way to my oh-so-important life in NYC. These family relationships are something that NYC and my corporate career had me taking for granted….that’s real selfishness.
Some days are full of exuberant connections, and some days are full of solitude. I’m ok with both.
Because each day is MY day.
