Who says you need two people? The ultimate entertainment for the solo traveler...it comes with a (plastic) friend!
You may be wondering – why did I go back to Sri Lanka. After all, I’ve been there before and I don’t really like to go back to a place I’ve been before; the world is too big and life is too short.
There were a few reasons for this ‘do-over’ of Sri Lanka.
• The last time I was there it was only for 6 days.
• I was there working photographing a luxury villa for some friends and only stayed at that villa and went no where else.
• I was sick in the very short time I was there, so was mainly sleeping and miserable most of the time. I was only able to explore villa and one pharmacy in Galle.
• And… I suppose I must confess…I went to see a boy.
Yes, I’m a self professed solo traveler and I often evangelize about how great it is and how it allows me to actually meet more people than if I were with someone. Traveling solo also opens me up to a lot of flexibility and opportunities… and attention (welcome and unwelcome). But everyone needs change once in a while; and certainly I don’t shun companionship. The idea of flying off to meet Russ and have a travel companion for a while sounded like an adventure itself.; and I love a good adventure.
When we looked into where we could meet for a month, the most sensible option seemed to be to meet in the middle. He was coming from his career break travel in Southeast Asia and I was coming from my cultural exchange and work in the Middle East. In the middle was Sri Lanka…with no visa fees for Americans…so I went to Sri Lanka…for a second time.
It was especially ironic that I was flying there to shed my solo-ness for a month since the last time I was there I was all alone and having a hard time adjusting to being solo after traveling with my father in Nepal.
I feel like I’m now sort of qualified to finally weigh in on solo travel vs. couple travel after conducting a month of research while traveling around Sri Lanka with Russ. But that is a debate that is probably very personal to everyone. Instead I simply decided to take my experiences and decide what I liked about traveling as a couple and what I didn’t like.
What I liked:
• Someone to share moments with. Everyone talks about this sharing ‘thing’ and it has always eluded me. I quite frankly file it in the sappy, fluff, romantic category in my brain which isn’t too often accessed. I never really cared before; or truth be told I avoided thinking about it because maybe I secretly I wanted it…something to ponder. If I was somewhere cool and I wanted to share it I would mention it on Facebook or Twitter. However having an actual human being to interact with had its benefits.
• Cheaper accommodation costs. Being solo is expensive. Sharing costs is good…nuff said.
• Have someone to help me put my luggage up on the overhead rack on the train and bus. Sometimes a girl just likes a little help.
• It’s easier to negotiate everything. With a partner you can actually take on the role of good cop – bad cop and normally do better with negotiation. It was quite fun to look at Russ before we got in a tuk tuk and say..”you got this one.” (a.k.a. – you play the hard ass this time.)
• Someone to kill bugs. Yes – I’m a sissy when it comes to big cockroaches. Thank you Russ for putting up with my bug phobia.
• Someone to take my picture without me trying to contort my arm to take my self portrait. Thanks to Russ now I have an abundance of photos of myself.
• I learned new travel tactics and a myriad of other new techie stuff from Russ. When you travel alone…it’s easy to get in a rut after 4+ years of being on the road. This is the way I always pack my bag, do my photography workflow, find wifi access, get access to movies online, ensure my gear doesn’t get stolen, etc. Quite frankly traveling with Russ, a new career break traveler, was an education. At times it made me feel pretty old fashioned and I realized I hadn’t changed many of my travel tactics or gear in the years I’ve been moving around.
I'm caught doing photography in tea country surrounded by groupies
What I didn’t like:
• Being with someone else made me painfully aware of how much I work when I’m traveling. A travel bloggers life may seem like all fun and beaches…but there is a lot that goes into this little digital journal and personality of mine as well as my other websites. It is my main source of income, so it’s my job. Until I traveled with Russ I didn’t really know how tethered to it I was. It left me wondering how my work/life balance became so unbalanced.
• Two people with cameras are really intimidating. For some reason I when I travel solo with my camera I feel much less conspicuous. But when Russ and I would both have out our cameras taking shots of people, I was painfully self-conscience of what we were doing and it felt like we had invaded a village in camouflage carrying ak47’s and hand grenades.
• This may be obvious, but when you travel with a boy you tend to get hit on less. I’m not sure that this belongs in the ‘cons’, but when you are not seen as a single woman, you simply don’t get any of the attention and perks I’m used to when I travel alone. No one offering to take me places, give me little tastes of food, no one buying me a drink. However, in Russ’s defense – he did pick up the slack. It wasn’t bad…just different.
• It’s challenging dealing with the ups and downs of another person…and trust me – I know I’m no cake walk. When I’m solo I can wallow in my own phobias, esteem, quirks – but hard to do when you are with another person…they are exposed to it all. Granted, I know this is no different than being in any relationship – but when you travel the stress is hiked up even more as you are testing patience, flexibility, communication constantly. I suppose the sappy side of me would say that it makes the ‘ups’ even better when you are with someone.
• You get used to having a companion…which makes it hard to part.
So…welcome to my travels in Sri Lanka. You will be seeing lots of “We” in my upcoming writing – which still feels a bit foreign to me. However I think ‘we’ were able to get a really great dose of what Sri Lanka had to offer – the good and the bad. Stay tuned…
Weigh in on how you feel about traveling solo vs. traveling as a couple…I’d love to hear what others experience!
By Gillian @OneGiantStep April 21, 2011 - 9:05 am
I think it’s interesting b/c you have really done it both ways. I have only traveled as part of a couple and so can only think of how it would be different by myself. As with everything I can think of what would be better and what would be worse. Cheers!
By Nadia April 21, 2011 - 9:09 am
Lovely, honest post – I love to travel solo; it’s gives me more of a sense of achievement somehow. But I have travelled quite a bit over the past few years with The Boy and it can take some getting used to (having another person there to share decisions with) – not that that’s a bad thing!
By Sherry April 23, 2011 - 1:08 am
True – I didn’t even talk about the sharing decisions and compromising when you are traveling with another person. It wasn’t really too much of a factor for us in Sri Lanka as I really didn’t care too much what we did so I was pretty easy going. I’m not like that in all countries though…so I think it would have been much harder if it were Nepal or something.
By Pete | Hecktic Travels April 21, 2011 - 10:19 am
I can’t imagine traveling without the Girl again. This past summer we were apart for 2 months (I was in Ecuador while she had to return to our home country to sort out some family issues). We both thought it was hell, and we agreed never again (well at least not for that long). Traveling as a couple for me is about a lot of the reasons you put above. The sharing experiences, companionship, help doing stuff (kitchen, cleaning), working on our blog, photographs, etc. etc.
Sure we have our moments where we need our *me* space, but our method of traveling at a very slow pace allows us to do activities both together and on our own. So we get some necessary alone time, but I can’t see myself going solo for a long period again.
By Sherry April 23, 2011 - 1:07 am
Don’t even get me started on the whole blogging as a couple thing. I am aware that the grass is always greener I suppose…but it’s damn hard to run a blog and travel solo. Ah….but I digress…
I absolutely agree with you – traveling slow is the key to dealing with everything…as well as dealing with your partner! Continue to enjoy your travels with The Girl! 🙂
By Jannell April 21, 2011 - 2:50 pm
Great post! I love that even though you are an experienced (solo) traveler you are still learning by traveling with Russ. Can’t wait to read more.
By Sherry April 23, 2011 - 1:05 am
I can’t wait to see what I learn from YOU! I am no expert…I’m just willing to try things…anything!
By megan April 21, 2011 - 8:40 pm
I’ve travelled as a couple, on my own and with friends and there’s definitely good and bad about each. I find that when I travel with other people I’m much more willing to get out of my comfort zone and take risks – when I’m on my own, I can be a little bit shy. I also tend not to go out too much at night when I’m alone, so I love having people with me during the evening so I can stay out late!
I know what you mean about the photo thing – I think I take more photos when I’m on my own, because you’re right – two people (or more!) with DSLRs make me feel like I’m really invading people’s privacy, and I feel awful with all those shutters snapping – every one is like a gun shot, sometimes!
By Mark H April 21, 2011 - 9:50 pm
I’ll be interested in your insights. I too have often been torn between the benefits of local travel and of travelling as a pair.
By Dave from The Longest Way Home April 22, 2011 - 2:53 am
Heard myself chuckling with this post. Lots of similar circumstances resonating.
I much prefer to travel alone. But when I do travel with someone I really enjoy traveling with women.
Places are often closed off to me as a single male traveler, but when you can team up with someone of the opposite sex, then you have the best of both worlds.
Shopping I hate, but if someone I am with enjoys it, then I can benefit from taking photos of said shopping, markets etc.
Bargaining I like, so the roles become reversed in such circumstances. Lots of clichés of course.
But then, like you pointed out, there can be a lot of problems in traveling with someone too. In my case, I tend to take too many photos of innate objects for the average traveler to contend with 🙂
Then again, they get ticked off over my laptop time too. So, like anything it’s a ying / yang adventure.
Nice post/topic though.
By Sherry April 23, 2011 - 1:04 am
It’s fun to experience both – I think I feel pretty lucky that I can appreciate and enjoy both. Many people hate traveling alone – but not me! Yet it really was nice to have a companion this time around.
By jill- Jack and Jill Travel The World April 22, 2011 - 11:45 pm
Agree with you on all counts and I had to chuckle over the fact that I do get hit on more when I’m alone. See I wander around by myself in the morning while Jack sleeps in, and I do notice I get approached more then (so far just friendly banters). It’s nice in a way, but at the same time I’m sorta glad having a valid excuse to say no when things get awkward (though it never did).
By Kristin April 23, 2011 - 4:33 pm
This is so true! Especially the double up to save money and help with luggage. There were some times when I just could not lift my backpack onto the top rack and needed the other half to help!
By Sherry April 30, 2011 - 6:57 pm
Yeah…Russ kinda spoiled me on that account!
By Jillian April 24, 2011 - 10:43 am
It’s interesting to see it both ways. We traveled as a couple and although it was great, there were downsides like you said. Your camera comment is really interesting, we only had one DSLR between us and I felt like it was great to be able to have one person interact without a lens in front of them. I really noticed how different people were with the lens out, so it was nice to have someone break down that barrier.
By Sherry April 30, 2011 - 6:57 pm
Regarding photography – I think that’s a much better way to go about it – only one camera and take turns!
By Melanie@TravelsWithTwo April 25, 2011 - 1:31 pm
Glad you’re getting a chance to experience travel from both sides of the street!
Happily, traveling with my husband — even back when he was my boyfriend — has always had amazing perks. Turn on the charm as a couple and you can still meet great people and even get free drinks. While you’re traveling, romantic happiness is attractive to fellow travelers and to business people.
Good luck balancing camera shutter overload and enjoy the comfort of each other’s company!
By Nomadic Chick April 25, 2011 - 1:43 pm
Loved this post, Sherry. My ex and I were horrible traveling companions, but that was more a personality clash.
I am so use to being solo that time spent with another person more than 2 days makes me claustrophobic!
But your post sheds some positives on the “we” idea and one day I have to be open-minded to that.
By Sherry April 30, 2011 - 7:00 pm
yeah – I tried to go into it really open minded…but it was a challenge. My friend Lisa always says ‘be open to possibilities’ – so that was my mantra. It was really interesting spending 30 days with each other 24/7 sharing rooms – talk about going from 0 to 60! It all ended up really good though. And….we are meeting up again in a few months…so I guess it wasn’t too bad. I do like the idea of having a little bit of both though!
By Anthony April 25, 2011 - 4:10 pm
I would have to agree with a lot of your points as I too have travelled extensively as a solo traveller and have been travelling with my partner for 14 months. There are many pros and cons and sometimes I do feel that we miss opportunities because we have each other instead of going out to the crazy party or event down the road. But there is also something very special about sharing your experiences with someone when you get back home.
By Betsy Talbot April 25, 2011 - 6:26 pm
Sherry, what a great trip! I like the idea of traveling for love/lust/like on occasion. 🙂
We have only traveled long-term as a couple, and I would agree with Jillian that it helps to have only one person with a camera. We want to document parts of our trip, but we also need the camera-less person to remind the photographer that the view is better live.
I’m very happy to be sharing this experience with my husband, but there are definite pros and cons to each form of travel. I can’t wait to read the rest of this series!
By Meg May 2, 2011 - 6:21 pm
What a great post and you made a convincing case for both sides of the coin! Its nice to have the option of BOTH–your cake and eat it too! I travel solo regularly…and I’m married and my husband is still “in the cube” so we only get to take one or two big trips together a year and I wish it were a more frequent occurance–and not just for baggage handling reasons, although that is a perk! He opens my eyes to things I might otherwise not have noticed and vice versa…I tend to be more manic and “on” all the time and he takes it slower…I find I get more engaged with locals when I go solo and that has been both a good and a bad thing as my curiosity can sometimes get the best of my common sense…conversely, I am used to spending big chunks of time alone whether I am travelling or at home and so being with ANYONE 24/7 pushes the boundry of my Comfort Zone just as much as being on my own in a foreign land. So, at 51…I continue to learn to play well with others on a sustained basis vs just loving people whom I meet them while on the road when I am only am in their company for a week or few days…
By Farzan May 4, 2011 - 8:15 pm
So you never said anything about the boy you went to meet in Sri Lanka?? Dying of curiosity.
By Sherry May 4, 2011 - 9:14 pm
A girl has to have a few secrets! Consider him like Norm’s wife from Cheers….:) Plus – if you stay tuned, I think you may hear from him here on the blog eventually…
By Michael Hodson May 31, 2011 - 6:31 am
glad you found someone you can put up and vice versa — still but a dream for me 😉
By Steph May 31, 2011 - 7:34 am
When I saw that you were traveling with a boy i let out a really loud EEEEEEEE that made Mike stare at me like I was crazy.
I love this post because I have also been learning over the past few months what it means to travel as a couple instead of solo. While some of it is great (someone to ask for directions for me), sometimes it kind of sucks to have to answer to another person- particularly without being used to it.
I like em both, but they are definitely very very different experiences.
By K.C. July 28, 2011 - 8:46 am
I am not a professional traveler.I have traveled a few times. and mostly solo before I get married.
When I compare them, Specialy reminds me my trip to europe. (Since I made almost the same trip solo and as a couple). I was on a shoe-string budget .
biggest issue I had traveling solo in europe was that looks of the people in most of the places. I think they see and illigal immigrant in me. Not a low budget traveler.
(I did not relised this untill I traveld with my wife later)
So it was not very comfortable to make friends during those travels. So the travels ware very lonely and options (espcially when you want to have beer in the evening) are very little. I am not that insecure peson. But I always feel consious when a waiter statr behaving “Extra Professional” in front of you.
But since then I got married and last trip to europe was with my wife. We enjoyed it verymuch. I have to say it was not easy sailing always. I could not make spontanious decisions as i used to (to take a bus and go to a town because I just saw it in a map – hence with no justifications)
But I found it was much easier to integrate in to the crowd. People had a an untold acceptance to us compred my previous visit.
I think I like to travel with my wife just so I feel more welcome in to the places that I go in.
Also. the arguments, personal qurks and those special moment of sharing are the best memories after the trip.