I’ve done it.

I completed a step towards my new future.

I am now CELTA certified to teach ESL (English as a Second Language) through Cambridge University. It was a tough month – full of ups and downs…and growth. I firmly believe that when you challenge yourself – you realize what you are made of. You appreciate little things. You struggle, but when you persevere there’s really no better feeling. This last month has made me realize many things, some good, some a bit disturbing. Yet the self awareness that it has provided has been immeasurable.

Here’s my report card on what I have learned after a month of returning back to the classroom to become certified to teach ESL:

English – B
I have spent the past month taking a step back – a step back in my brain to 2nd – 5th grade. I have been relearning this lovely English language of ours. It’s actually fascinating to look at the English language and teaching through the eyes of an adult. It makes you appreciate many things – mainly the fact that you were ever able to learn how to use all of these complicated rules in English and how they become second nature in our brain. I honestly have no idea how it happens- it’s some kind of miracle that we can decipher when to use the future form of verbs so effortlessly. Sometimes I think it would be easier to part the Red Sea. As I studied the future forms to prepare for my class, I was amazed as I learned the complicated rules as to when we use ‘be going to’,‘will’, ‘future continuous’, ‘present continuous’ and ‘present simple’ verbs to speak about the future. In fact – as I read the rules, I had to actually sit back and think about how I spoke and somehow decipher these unknown rules somehow effortlessly. I found myself trying to listen to people on the subway – wondering if they fully knew why there were using ‘going to’ instead of ‘will be’.
After teaching lessons on various parts of grammar, I became reacquainted with modal verbs, future forms, quantifiers, countable/uncountable nouns, auxiliary verbs, past participles, and progressive verbs. These things did not come easy – it was many hours of toiling through grammar books making sure I understood it before I had to get up in front of students and teach it – trying to avoid my biggest fear in all of teaching…being asked a question I can’t answer. I found it a bit funny and disturbing that I spent most of my corporate career in fear of not knowing enough about technical terms in IT, and now I’m still worrying – about grammar this time. I guess the worry never stops – does it?

Foreign Studies – B+
As I met my students, they would tell me where they were from – Italy, Japan, Ukraine, Chile, Argentina, Brazil, Spain, Portugal, and Russia – I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement. In my head I had a ton of questions for each of them – why were they here, what did they think of the US, what did they do in their home country, what city did they live in, was this their first trip to the US, did they miss their home…the list could go on and on. I was overwhelmed with excitement about meeting people from other cultures again – it reminded me of my travels. I simply wanted to learn more about them and I wanted to help them in any way I could. I thought about why meeting someone from Italy or Ukraine excited me more than meeting someone from Queens or the Upper East Side. I decided that I am just wired to be international and inquisitive. I wish I could get as excited about my own country as I do about other countries – but I just can’t. The fact is that I love to learn about and interact with other cultures. It’s unpredictable – and that’s what I love most. It was soothing to me to realize that I still had a thirst for foreign experiences and people. I often get worried that being back in the US will suck that thirst right out of me and turn me into the Sahara Desert. This month I proved to myself that wasn’t the case.

Conduct – C+
I realized once again that I’m not a morning person. No matter how hard I try – it’s just not possible for me to be excited or energetic in the morning. It was a shock to my system to have to be up at an early hour every day. I had to commute with other zombie like NY commuters on overcrowded subways. I had to try to not become a zombie like them. However – some days they won – and I was just as evil and hollow as they were. Everyone stared into the distance with their ipod headphones in their ears. I often would look around the subway thinking that we all looked like aliens with our white earbuds , solemn faces, and glazed over eyes – looking as if we were on the train to hell. I realized that I didn’t miss this commuter life one bit…not a single thread. Yet for a month I had to be one of them again.
Most importantly – I proved to myself that old habits never die. When I sat down with one of my teachers for my mid month evaluation – her first sentence to me was “You are a perfectionist, aren’t you?” I felt as if I was a recipient of some kind of addict intervention at that point in time. “Yes, my name is Sherry and I am, and will always be, an over achiever.” Crap.
As much as I want to be laid back and serene, I can’t. This course brought out the person I thought I had left behind. Little did I know that I couldn’t really shake that person…it is engrained in me. Now – this isn’t a terrible thing, at least I’m self aware enough to realize that I’m an over achiever…there’s got to be something good to that – right? Even though I was hard on myself this month, and I hibernated in my apartment every night working on homework and lesson planng, it did all pay off. It reminded me that no matter what challenges are ahead of me – I will always find a way to survive, I am too much of an over achiever to ever accept failure – and that – is a good thing.

Finance – B
I know that the path I am choosing (travel, overseas living, teaching esl, writing, photography) for my life isn’t full of riches or prestige. However it provides me something that I haven’t really had before – a future that I am actually excited about. Yet I found myself looking reality in the face this last month and I realized why it seems so very difficult for people to follow their dreams. Following dreams is never easy. If I wanted easy – I would be going back to a corporate job working in information technology. I would continue to have restless nights, anxiety dreams, and stomach issues. I was confronted this last month with the reality of my decision…I can teach ESL for a little less than ¼ of what I could make doing IT consulting. That’s a blow…one that leaves you gasping for air as if my brother had dropped me during one of our crazy circus acts gone wrong and I had the wind knocked out of me. So – here’s the big decision – money or happiness. I reminded myself that if I was in it for money…then I’d still be in my office in mid town Manhattan worrying about reviews, budgets, and handbags. I’m happy with my decision to pursue a new direction – yet when you are confronted with it – you have to stop and think for a second…you’d be crazy not to. Luckily – I didn’t have to think too long…I know where I belong. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Future Outlook – A
As I sat through hours of lectures from our teachers and taught various classes myself, there was one thing that was a constant – a smile (except for in the morning hours of course!). I was smiling because I realized that I do love teaching, and the thought of teaching overseas. Simply getting up in front of the students excited me. I was generally overjoyed to teach them – even though I was equally terrified that I would screw the whole thing up and they would ask me questions I didn’t know the answer to.
I can’t ever remember sitting in my office in any of my past jobs and being excited about how I was contributing to someone of something. Overall – I had a feeling of excitement – excitement for what I was learning, what I was teaching, and what my future held.